Testimony

Kingsgrass

It happened about 30 years ago.  It was a Saturday and I was planning my suicide the following Monday.  The only way it would work, I decided, would be if I stabbed myself in front of the altar.  While I died, I would beg God for forgiveness.

p19 St. Peter Claver Church was the church my family attended and where I planned to commit suicide. Above the altar is a giant cross, and it was to this that I planned to beg mercy from.

What drove me to this moment was the pursuit of peace.  I craved it but couldn’t find it.  Everything was meaningless to me from a very early age.  I could not sense hope in life and I longed for death.  I tried to find peace in many places: mindset, pithy quotes, being perfect, relationships, drinking, pleasures, friends-and although those could lift my spirits for a moment, I always found myself crashing into a well…

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