Self-Ish (estranged from family)

wounded eagle.

You won’t see me again

After this…

Not in this lifetime anyway

There is a choice

There is a voice

There is a path

I think of you often…I think of all of you

There is not a day that I don’t

So far from me now

I dragged my feet under the weight

Slowed my pace

Hoping you’d catch up

Always looking over my shoulder for a sign

(how my heart aches)

Finally surrendered to the possibility

That you might not show

And now…

This melancholy has become my “ages’” appropriate seasonal garment

So ungrateful it must seem

To know of the Light You’ve Shone me

And still allow for self-loathing

So unworthy…

Peace makes me feel more guilty

Love as I’d understood it

Was always a thing filthy

I have no way to show anyone

No words that can tell

What it is I see

How can i?

When I cannot yet believe what is happening to me.

And yet I am compelled to shuffle along with this pen

like an albatross around my neck

To the very end

As if it were my only friend

Though in the Master’s plan it may seem of little use

(exercises in discipline and obedience basic training in preparation, how much will stick?)

Am I Just another desperate wannabe Christian

fishing for a new excuse?

I fall face down upon your Mercy yet again Oh Lord

In a cloud of dust,

With a THUD!

And grieve…

My name is mud.

And if You’ve taught me one thing

though i’ve struggled, it is this…

that even “mud”

can believe

eagle swimming

Oneagleswings, Moncks Corner, S.C.


4 thoughts on “Self-Ish (estranged from family)

  1. Julie says:

    The Lord bless you and keep you;
    the Lord make his face shine on you
    and be gracious to you;
    the Lord turn his face toward you
    and give you peace.

    God knows how to restore. A time is coming when He will restore everything.

    • AWWW….my eyes are leakin’, my prayers are directed towards my family, please pray for them. Thank you, I knew we were friends. But I already knew you loved me, I’m not surprised and I love you too! But I like giving you a hard time so that I can see the “warrior!” I know you really are underneath it all!
      God Bless!

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