If you pull it all the way out, that’s not progress.
The progress lies in healing the wound that is below me and they haven’t even begun to pull the knife out, much less try to heal the wound.
They won’t even admit it was ever there.” Malcolm XHold your silence
Hold your silence till the end of all time.
See the quiet ones and wonder not about them.
Watch them fall behind, their crooked little legs unable to keep pace.
Fading in the distance, they cried out the only way they knew how and no one answered.
Off to serve went the soldiers, leaving behind silent prisoners without the benefit of basic training.
Premeditated, planned, ”big brothers” were watching and they were angry,
They should have murdered them in the physical sense, that would have been much more merciful.
Instead, they exacted vengeance unto the very core of their being.
Decades passed, like blind hemophiliacs who’d suffered a pinprick and couldn’t comprehend why they kept feeling woozy.
They must have known “they” were hurting, but they cleaved to silence self-absorbed and moved on.
Offered only years of arrogance and deceptive boisterous noise bereft of substance.
A quick study, We unconsciously mirrored this diabolic, rhetorical, dialect of guilt shame and denial.
Diligently began construction on a prison cell of our own, formed from the mud and straw of bitterness, cynicism, resentment and “Judge-mentality“ brick by brick.
When night fell, the terrors seeped through the cracks in the cell walls cornering us again, they never ceased.
Sleep was “total blackout” and an uneasy welcome relief, accompanied by an unwelcome relief.
When We awakened there was no recollection of nightmares,
only wet bed sheets and a light-headed sense of losing one’s grip on reality.
We wrestled with sleep paralysis and the enemy’s onslaughts to awaken.
Hitler entranced an entire people simply by repeating the same lie over and over and over until finally…
it was accepted as truth.
“Taught to look at only the hole and never see the donut” (John Bradshaw).
But…now, “the chickens have come home to roost” in an end-time climate of fear“.
Enablers…oh how we love to loathe them !
As soon as they could no longer get their co-dependent needs met, right under a fast moving bus we went.
And even though we’d bared our heart and soul to many who professed to love us,
there we were again abandoned, destitute, without a clue to just how screwed up We had actually become.
Homeless in much more than just the physical sense.
(“a sick mind doesn‘t know it‘s sick “-John Bradshaw).
Unconditional love, will tackle you and hold you still till the storms pass, block your way from running, knock you out cold if it has to !
We didn’t know that then, no one had ever demonstrated it to us in a practical applicable sense, in all the wrong places we had looked to.
Or even in the right places while still blinded by a corrupted mindset (“stinking thinking“).
A circuit breaker tripped.
A cell door slammed shut.
A mind raced desperately to nowhere without any sign of a finish line, a fugitive from reality.
(…and they, them, their, all cried out in unison resonating in the deepest caverns of his mind, again and again and again.)
“We ran out just in time,
you’re the strong one,
the one who endures,
Let us know when it’s safe,
to come out again.
Can we come out again?
And we’ll try to tell you,
about him, the kind one,,
The one who puts his arms around us,
He comforts us,
Maybe this time you‘ll hear us.
Maybe this time…
WE ARE YOU!
HE just can’t hear us,
can’t hear us…
what is wrong with Him?
wrong with him…
wrong with him…
We’ve tried so many times in vain to reach out to him.”
“Out of the depths I cry out to you O’Lord !”
Look to the Heavens breathe in the ethers and heave a heavy sigh,
He thought that’s where He’d find you .
Didn’t know you had always walked alongside him.
Oh so sorry, for how he must have grieved you.
Through a mist, you show him a closed bathroom door.
Through another door he is being forced face down on a bed.
He found them all right there, hovering in the corners of those rooms, cowering, observing, absorbing,
touched by deprivation, perversion, lust, envy, hatred, cowardice, infected with guilt and shame.
Fragmented like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, afraid, Hurt, dazed, that’s why they couldn’t remember it all,
why they couldn’t speak, they remained “frozen” therein and within .
Caught unaware in each instance by cruelty in kindness modeling masques of familiarity and trust.
Each incident erased from consciousness as it occurred, splitting off, fanning out,
running for cover in a panic, manifested in cold sweats, labored breath and a sense of despondency.
The coat of many vibrant colors that was his God given inheritance, bloodstained and filthy (blinded to the many glorious hues of us, me, them and you).
They continued to thrive autonomously, abandoned to “miles and miles of desolation” in backgrounds of abstract, grey, twisted, distorted, wilderness mindscapes of a gifted yet troubled vivid imagination.
Stored away…filed under “FEAR“.
Every now and then catching a glimpse of, but unable to fully perceive or fight what was well hidden.
Shadow boxing ghosts in his mind, drifting away a little at a time.
Those were the eyes God gave me and the “Interloper” conspired to shut !
“Hate the sin and not the sinner”, They were affected as well and compromised
(“Misguided Ghosts“), all in all.
By Grace, the fog is lifting.
I can finally stand upright,
as the talons that once pressed down on the back of my neck disintegrates to ashes.
I can see through tightly shut eyes.
I can hear over the ringing in my ears.
I can speak past the putrid stench of a gnarled hand,
that once muffled my cries and infected my senses,
of the brutality that was too painful to fully remember,
comprehend or relate to others.
Little children, don’t be afraid any longer, open your eyes look at me.
See me in you, See you, me ,us, them.
See your true self,
You were never given the chance to be.
Gather around me now time to come home, altogether now…push,…fight…stand,
out of the rabbit hole (so to speak).
Eyes adjusting to the light.
Struggling to walk against the gravity of apathy.
I cannot even begin to explain that which is beyond understanding, His ways are not ours.
Rest now weary child and know that GOD is real.
He will never ABANDON you.
HE knows …
THE LORD reveals himself through his LIVING WORD and through others.
He is the faintest whisper in the storm.
HE is always “in control”,
even when we are not in control of ourselves.
THE LORD loves in a depth beyond our understanding.
He’s got this, All of this !
All that is required is,
please help me to let go of the past,
and forgive, forgive, forgive, as you’ve forgiven me.
Jesus said: “follow me”.
Finally…I heard and understood, aware, awake, vigilant.
And rise from the dead
And Christ will shine on you.”