No desire to remain here

Just stopped by for a visit
But won’t stay long
Words engraved on pine boxes
serve no one
there is no dialogue
no exchange
no engagement
nor fellowship embraced
just a detached
implied strange perverse
kind of unconscious voluntary derangement
pictures in squares
clichés’ in prisons
self gratifying
no anointing
no urgent prompting
no holy spirit’s conviction
to hold hands or embrace
just ejaculations
spurted upon a cyber page
smarmy euphemisms veiled by pretentious erudition
while safe in our own comfort zones
too afraid to offend
or too easily offended
to even attempt to reach outside the box
nothing broken is nothing mended
came for a meeting
but got stood up
stats are high
the numbers don’t lie
but read by zeros
only equates to zero replies
I shoulda’ known better
I shoulda’ not hoped
I shoulda’ stayed dead when I died
Instead of waking up to a rope
I don’t know how I’m supposed to reach you
I’ve fallen down
And won’t be there to greet you
Hello Jesus…
Nice to finally meet you
warmest regards to Jonah
and say  ” hey I feel ya’ ” to Job
Don’t send me out again
I don’t wanna go
Lord you know it’s a dark place
Always rainy and cold
Lemme warm myself in a sunny spot
let me find myself sprawled out trying to reinvigorate
like a reptile on a rock
There’s nothing left to give
I’ve given all I’ve got
Yes, yes, I believe your grace is sufficient
But how do you hold the attention
Of the spiritually deficient?
I’m inefficient, non-proficient…
Can’t you see how this tears at me?
These shoes don’t fit
And I don’t want em’
I was barefoot when you found me
At rock’s bottom
I’m a seer no one can hear
Walking through disasters
Chucking rotten eggs at false pastors
Bastards, don’t you know you can’t serve two masters!
Hate one and love the other
Lord…do you know this man?
The one who cuts me down
As he calls me brother?
I thought I did
But I must have been mistaken
He’s not saved
He is taken
I’m chokin’ on vitriol and resentment
His condemnation threatens to break my peace
And fill me with discontentment
not disillusioned just disgusted
never sought after a return on this investment
Just let it fly as it came
till wings melted
I know this game too well
I used to play it
You see…
I’m walking away making a statement
Like St. Francis
Allow my silence to say it
I wasn’t born again just yesterday
you sent clues to signal your comin’
Though I wish I didn’t see them
tried to deny them as ridiculous, impossible
Wish I couldn’t see them ahead of time
so long ago…
You’ve done this to me…
though in the back of my mind
I’d always prayed You wouldn’t
Placed me between a rock and a hard place
I can’t deny you now
Even if I wanted to
I couldn’t
I’ve seen your face
Eyes of living flames
I gotta be honest with You
I don’t understand much of it
And loving You cuts like a knife
I’ve  tried my best to dot my eyes
Cross my tees as I drop to my knees
This dying to self business
To live for you
Is killing me…
it’s killing me
To Life

Crossing expanses and sailing to the rescue, of dead Men Walking Among Catacombs

Been a lot of things
Worn many masks
Ran with wolves
Hid in caves
Slept with dogs
Got fleas
Rebelled out of sheer boredom
Wallowed in refuse
Cried alone in the dark
Felt the cold’s sting
Through flimsy layers
Of faithless ineffectual prayers
Shuddering, trembling, uncontrollably
Couldn’t keep a job long
Damaged mind
Just a matter of time
Before hearing the same old incessant song
Broken record inside
tick pause tock, tic, twitch, flutter eyelid,
lazy glassy orb wandering aimlessly
In ways I thought I could hide
But somehow it was never meant to be contained
And as those vicious lashes whipped up into a tempest again
Destitution seemed a fitting end
No place for me to find a fit in
Anger, bitterness, resentment reigned
Toxic inhalations of poisons
Conditioned to assimilate my mirrors
No woman
No conquest
Nothing purchased
Nothing sold
No comfort
No gain
Nothing anything material  or fleshy could sustain
I held onto a pathetic imagined fantasy
Never even sure
If You were real or not
How could I have known?
That You were in fact real?
Nothing I’d known could have prepared me
For You
I released it all to You
At the foot of Your cross
You took it all from me without even flinching once
And gave to me wholeness and Love
Here I stand
Slowly arisen by Your strength alone
Right here
Right now
Someway
Somehow assured of being fully awake
For the first time
In a lifetime
And
Yours

Pessi-Optimist II

Onboard with the “so be it’s “

Of late not giving a damn

Sunken into deep depressions left behind by…

Too few and far between kindnesses

Mostly harsh, distracted, self absorbed, unreachable

Trust is hard to give and much harder to find

Far from a cynic…

Further still from pessimist

But it seems to outweigh

It seems to be more readily accepted as the temperate clime

But facts are facts and the evidence is clear

Of the impending juggernaut, inexorable, clichéd…

 being seined by the proverbial times

To get to “there”

One must wade through a whole lot of Now and hear

In the process grow stronger or collapse?

Fold or persevere?

And just when one thinks they’ve gained some sort of higher advantage…

The irony sinks in as the downward slide yet again begins in earnest

Find oneself meditating under a torrential earthly reign

Eyes scanning desolate plains

Where is the Son?

Knowing the answer…

Believing…

Cleaving to Truth

Saturated in blood

of living proof

Doesn’t seem

To ease the pain.

 

 

You Rang..?

jaws

Don’t dangle a lure intrepid Christian

If you’re not prepared for what might bite

You may “need a bigger boat”

Don’t be angry when someone brings you de-bate

You posted a topic…

You posit questions…

And eyes’ came to answer

Don’t be shocked and full of self-righteous indignation

If it doesn’t mesh with your agenda

Don’t stray, foray, beyond rank and station

Know yourself

Know your place

Everyone has a role to play

Be contented with what has been given

Don’t shake a tree

Only to be startled by what may fall upon your head

“Be Prepared…”

Consider this for example:

Even rotted fruit did not grow to be fruit…

by mistake.

http://www.christiancreativewriters.com/t8532-accepted

Lover Of The Light

In the middle of the night, I may watch you go
There’ll be no value in the strength of walls that I have grown
There’ll be no comfort in the shade of the shadows thrown
But I’ll be yours if you’ll be mine

Stretch out my life and pick the seams out
Take what you like, but close my ears and eyes
Watch me stumble over and over

I have done wrong, so build your tower
But call me home and I will build a throne
And wash my eyes out never again

But love the one you hold
And I’ll be your goal

To have and to hold
A lover of the light

Skin too tight and eyes like marbles
You spin me high so watch me as I glide
Before I tumble homeward, homeward

I know I tried, I was not stable
Flawed by pride, I miss my sanguine eyes
So hold my hands up, breathe in, breathe out.

But love the one you hold
And I’ll be your goal
To have and to hold
A lover of the light

And in the middle of the night, I may watch you go
There’ll be no value in the strength of walls that I have grown
There’ll be no comfort in the shade of the shadows thrown
You may not trust the promises of the change I’ll show
But I’ll be yours if you’ll be mine

So love the one you hold
And I will be your goal
To have and to hold
A lover of the light

So love the one you hold
And I will be your goal
To have and to hold
A lover of the light

Written by Benjamin Walter David Lovett, Edward James Milton Dwane, Marcus Oliver Johnstone Mumford, Winston Aubrey Aladar Marshall • Copyright © Universal Music Publishing Group