No desire to remain here

Just stopped by for a visit
But won’t stay long
Words engraved on pine boxes
serve no one
there is no dialogue
no exchange
no engagement
nor fellowship embraced
just a detached
implied strange perverse
kind of unconscious voluntary derangement
pictures in squares
clichés’ in prisons
self gratifying
no anointing
no urgent prompting
no holy spirit’s conviction
to hold hands or embrace
just ejaculations
spurted upon a cyber page
smarmy euphemisms veiled by pretentious erudition
while safe in our own comfort zones
too afraid to offend
or too easily offended
to even attempt to reach outside the box
nothing broken is nothing mended
came for a meeting
but got stood up
stats are high
the numbers don’t lie
but read by zeros
only equates to zero replies
I shoulda’ known better
I shoulda’ not hoped
I shoulda’ stayed dead when I died
Instead of waking up to a rope
I don’t know how I’m supposed to reach you
I’ve fallen down
And won’t be there to greet you
Hello Jesus…
Nice to finally meet you
warmest regards to Jonah
and say  ” hey I feel ya’ ” to Job
Don’t send me out again
I don’t wanna go
Lord you know it’s a dark place
Always rainy and cold
Lemme warm myself in a sunny spot
let me find myself sprawled out trying to reinvigorate
like a reptile on a rock
There’s nothing left to give
I’ve given all I’ve got
Yes, yes, I believe your grace is sufficient
But how do you hold the attention
Of the spiritually deficient?
I’m inefficient, non-proficient…
Can’t you see how this tears at me?
These shoes don’t fit
And I don’t want em’
I was barefoot when you found me
At rock’s bottom
I’m a seer no one can hear
Walking through disasters
Chucking rotten eggs at false pastors
Bastards, don’t you know you can’t serve two masters!
Hate one and love the other
Lord…do you know this man?
The one who cuts me down
As he calls me brother?
I thought I did
But I must have been mistaken
He’s not saved
He is taken
I’m chokin’ on vitriol and resentment
His condemnation threatens to break my peace
And fill me with discontentment
not disillusioned just disgusted
never sought after a return on this investment
Just let it fly as it came
till wings melted
I know this game too well
I used to play it
You see…
I’m walking away making a statement
Like St. Francis
Allow my silence to say it
I wasn’t born again just yesterday
you sent clues to signal your comin’
Though I wish I didn’t see them
tried to deny them as ridiculous, impossible
Wish I couldn’t see them ahead of time
so long ago…
You’ve done this to me…
though in the back of my mind
I’d always prayed You wouldn’t
Placed me between a rock and a hard place
I can’t deny you now
Even if I wanted to
I couldn’t
I’ve seen your face
Eyes of living flames
I gotta be honest with You
I don’t understand much of it
And loving You cuts like a knife
I’ve  tried my best to dot my eyes
Cross my tees as I drop to my knees
This dying to self business
To live for you
Is killing me…
it’s killing me
To Life

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