Truth And Intimacy (A Poet’s Lot, A Poet’s End)

flotsam
I can point to problems and offer no helpful solutions/ i can feign resolve while living in abject dissolution/ i can be smothered in fragrant aromas to veil my pollution/ i am bitter/ i am angry/ i am seething/ i am nothing good/ of no good use to anyone/ soul proprietor of every ill conceived, fractured, useless, new year’s resolution…/ devoid of commitment or substance/ while substance abusive/ sequestered from self in self imposed reclusion/ Left on my own nothing good may come of me/ i am a waking nightmare/ resident of a blank stare/ a foggy view upon mist kissed glass/ becoming clearer/ reluctantly drawing nearer to/ the part of me i can’t bear to look at/ heraldic nomenclator emerging through a mirror/ a messenger who doesn’t know his purpose/ haunted by a view imprinted from underneath/ of idling feet treading waters deep/ while rising from out of the depths of despair/ now I to I/ with flotsam and jetsom on the surface/ one day totally lost/ one day completely found/ caught flat footed/ yet somehow more aware of stumbling stones… and the curvature of the ground/ and the circles within … intrinsic circles swirling like a tempest/ expanding exponentially/ within cycles of suggestions/ from a nucleus perspective/ a bird’s I view/  whilst self absorbed in cathartic cocoons/ still missing clear commands/ given a lifeboat… / yet still living as if marooned/ how selfish can it be?/ knowing i have not yet begun to share the deepest parts of me where You dwell/ for fear… of what might emerge from out of… so once fractured… a shell/ there is a way that pulls at us and never tires/ there is a Truth we should yell/ there is a Life that is worthy/ gifted a journey to walk/ a story to tell/ that only a trail of tears may convey/ and that words be they superfluous or succinct/ to those who cannot yet hear…/ have not yet been opened to receive/ despite our many works/ our many deeds/ most diligent earnest efforts/ without Grace…/ are doomed to miserably fail/ and yet from through a mysterious veil/ a tender whisper clear emergent / not a shout/ small…still…yet…/ unmistakably urgent/ a touch unfelt belies a cup unseen being filled nonetheless/ is a restoring breath like a subtle flame/ / kindling hearts/ that shall prevail.
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Welcome Here, Have An Effin’ Pamphlet

iljbjt01No I didn’t say “tract” I said “pamphlet” there is a distinct difference. One is “Scriptural” the other is of “man” and “alludes” to be Scripturalesque. Why is it that when I visit a new church as a guest usually at the urging of someone who believes their church is the best, someone or more than one walks up to greet me after worship and immediately shoves a pamphlet in my hand? WAS I NOT JUST IN  GOD’S HOUSE? DID I NOT JUST PRAISE AND WORSHIP IN FELLOWSHIP? WAS THERE SOME KIND OF EASILY DETECTIBLE DEFICIENCY IN MY SINGING, PRAYING? PRAISING? WAS IT PASTED ON MY FOREHEAD? My first question to this person is “have you read this? Can’t you just give me a brief synapsis on it? How about the gist of it?” Would you like to know how many times the response has been “well no I haven’t gotten around to reading it yet but I hear it is edifying” So then my response is usually something along these lines “let me try to understand this? You are asking me read something you have not yet read yourself is that right? And it is not scripture but written by someone not even mentioned in the Bible correct? If it weren’t for the potential of ink poisoning I would probably be inclined to want to wipe my ass with it…is that clear? And for the “Life” in me I just can’t understand why i’m not a very popular visitor in many churches. I usually tell them that they’re full of shit, there Pastor is full of shit, and that building you call a place of worship, every I-beam, stud, sheetrock, wood, has been smeared in shit! Sometimes though I can hold back from telling them to just go f… themselves but more often than not I do, I have, if you really knew me like a handful of readers on here do…you wouldn’t for a moment doubt it. So I stay away and more often than not I find church in the most unexpected and unusual of places, faces, times, otherwise I don’t know what would become of me or anyone else who thinks anything other than the words from out of Jesus’ own mouth as witnessed by John in John 2:19 ”   Jesus answered and said unto them, Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up”. Where in the hell does it say “thou art to be compeled to shove literature into the hands of my children for my sake, in my name?”. Jesus instructed the ten lepers (Luke 17 11-19) “to go to the Temple and show yourselves to the high priest”. One leper understood…nine did not. So where is this Temple? And who is the High Priest? And what the hell does it have to do with freakin’ pamphlets??? If you cannot answer all three of these questions don’t foist unwanted literature into anyone’s hand, at least not until you’ve read it and understood it and can clearly explain it. Then you can live it and the words in it, be they just insipid, inane bullshit “feel good” churchianity nonsense be damned. Who said being a Christian is about “feeling good?” If God is good all the time why doubt Him when things don’t go so “good?” Or even downright horrible? God cannot be anything other than “good”, if I want to have a feel good session just to convince myself i’m feelin’ good when i’m really not I can just sin, booze up, get high, masturbate, shop lift, kick my dog, cuss at my neighbor, feels great…for a little while But oh the consequences… Romans 8:28 says: “all things work together for good” and God can be none other than good. Is there a bad “good” and a good-good or a gooder good? No, only GOOD! No matter how shitty, how painful, how life challenging and changing it can all be worked together for “good” by God. I’ve seen it, I’ve lived it, I know it for a fact and no one on this earth can ever, ever convince me otherwise, if you have not yet lived it then stay thy over eager pamphlet wielding hand! In fact, I shall dare to boast in the name of Jesus’ that even with the type of language I’ve used in this post God loves me unconditionally without the slightest spectre of a doubt…pretty awesome i’ll say. Next time you’re fresh from out of worship and someone hands you a pamphlet well…use your imagination but try be more restrained than I (an awful example) but Jesus is still working in me nonetheless:) and I know I don’t deserve that in the least…”grace” and amazing at that!  (after my good friend Doug read this post he sent me this link below by Clayton Jennings…AMAZING!!!) Oh…just for the record, my wife vehemently disapproves of many elements of this post…but this time, this one, I refuse to edit…it shall stand or fall…as is.

 God Bless.